Self-Esteem vs. God-Esteem

“If you do something awesome, you should be proud of yourself.”-AZ quotes

Proud. We use that word often, don’t we? “I’m proud of myself.,” “I’m proud of you.,” “You should be proud of yourself!” But is being proud (prideful), really something we should esteem in our culture?

Pride. According to Oxford Dictionary, pride is defined as:
1. a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired 2. consciousness of one’s own dignity. 3. confidence and self-respect as expressed by members of a group, typically one that has been socially marginalized, on the basis of their shared identity, culture, and experience.

On the surface, pride not only seems acceptable, but even commendable and something to strive to achieve. However, we know that God feels much differently about pride. In response to the above definition, we are going to focus on the first definition which most closely matches the biblical definition of hyperēphania (pride).

1 John 2:16 says, “For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world.”

Mark 7:20-23- “And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”

James 4:6- “But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

How does this differ from what we are taught from the time we take our first breath in this world? Living in the “self-esteem” age, we are told from infancy, ” You can achieve anything you want to achieve,” “Believe in yourself and you can do anything!,” “You can be whatever you want to be!,” “Everyone is a winner and deserves a trophy!, “You are the hero of your own story!”(Joseph Campbell) ” Believe you can, and you’re halfway there” (Theodore Roosevelt), “You are the most _______ I have ever seen,” “Only make decisions that support your self-image, self-esteem, and self-worth.”(Oprah Winfrey), “You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” (Brian Tracy)

On surface level, all of these quotes seem perfectly harmless. However, the damage being done to the hearts and minds of those who have grown up believing these lies presents an ever moving target at best, and death provoking self-harm at worst. How so?

Let’s play these quotes out in hypothetical situations….

“You can achieve anything you want to achieve.”, “Believe in yourself and you can do anything!”, “You can be whatever you want to be!” “Believe in yourself, and you are halfway there!(Roosevelt)”– Is that true? What about the child who dreams of becoming a professional athlete who practices diligently, but was born with “two left feet”? What about the young adult who dreams of becoming a high ranking executive, but struggles with organization and people skills? What about the individual who strives to become a physician, but cannot pass anatomy as a first year medical student?

“Everyone is a winner and deserves a trophy!”– I understand the desire to make every child, even the child who is not naturally gifted in an area to be excited about their achievements. However, when we give children, or adults for that matter, incentives to be more diligent in their studies, training, etc. we better that child. If everyone receives recognition and is congratulated whether or not they put their best effort forward, we are rewarding mediocrity.

“You are the hero of your own story!” (Joseph Campbell) To think that the victory of my life story is fully my responsibility is such a heavy weight to bear. We all mess up. We all go through seasons of weakness and struggle. Implying that we are the hero indirectly implies that we are in need of no assistance or help. So when we hit those lows and have no one to look up and out to, what a depressing state that leave us in.

“You are the most ________ I have ever seen!“- Every crow thinks theirs is the blackest. I can totally relate with this. I absolutely love my children and am so grateful for all of the attributes that Lord has given them. However, I am grateful that a wise mentor shared her thoughts on this, (which I will share later) and how to communicate my encouragements to my children. How devastating and confusing for children that are told they are the most beautiful, most talented, smartest, fastest, sweetest, ect when they meet someone who either says they are not those things, or that ends up factually being faster, smarter, more talented. Inadvertently, we have prompted children to then constantly be measuring themselves in two ways. Those that lean more toward a self-confident bend reassure themselves (and possibly others) that they are in fact the best. Those that lean more to a self-deprecating viewpoint are depressed that they aren’t truly who others said they were. Neither of these is godly, as they are both self focused in nature.

“Only make decisions that support your self-image, self-esteem, and self-worth.”(Oprah Winfrey) This again is one of those, “follow your heart,” “if it feels good, do it,”, “indulge in what you enjoy,” quotes. Very often, what we feel like doing and what we should do is different.

“You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” (Brian Tracy) Life can be hard. Health diagnoses, deaths of loved ones, job loss, mistreatment from others, and so many other kinds of suffering can leave us down, depressed, and reeling. When we get to a point where we can’t fix things, where do we go? If our hope lies fixed within ourselves, we will always come up wanting.

So, how do we, as Christians, respond to the self-esteem movement? How do we respond to the pride that we all innately have? What is the antidote to self-esteem?

God esteem. “God esteem,” or “God-esteem,” refers to a person’s sense of self-worth and identity found in their relationship with God, rather than in worldly achievements or external validation. We take our eyes off of ourselves and up to Him. He is the one whose opinion matters. He is the one who determines our worth. Our value does not come from what we do, but who we are as a person made in the image of God, surrendered to Him, and being represented by the perfect reputation of Jesus Christ.

Psalm 139:14-16 says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

The God that created the Heaven and the earth knows us, loves us, understands us, forgives us, directs us, sanctifies us, upholds us, provides for us, and created us with so much care. Why do we then allow the approval of man, or even our own approval to supersede His? This ought not be the case!

What does God-esteem look like in contrast to the quotes we addressed earlier?

“You can achieve anything you want to achieve.”, “Believe in yourself and you can do anything!”, “You can be whatever you want to be!” “Believe in yourself, and you are halfway there!(Roosevelt)” -Ephesians 2:10″ For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” God has already planned out the works of our lives. He has equipped us (2 Tim 3: 16-17) to do exactly what He desires us to do. So instead of telling others that they can do anything or be whatever they want to be, we should instead share the joy of the truth that God has created them with every single strength that they need to accomplish the goals He has set for them!

“Everyone is a winner and deserves a trophy!” Colossians 3:23-34 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” Encourage others to work hard! Do your best! Have joy in the wins and joys in the losses! God uses it all for our good and His glory! (Romans 8:28)

“You are the hero of your own story!” (Joseph Campbell) What is a hero? According to Oxford, “a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.” For a believer, our hero is undoubtedly Jesus. No matter how many times we fail, He is the victor who rescues us with his righteous right hand. He determines our destiny, and it ends in victory! 1 Cor 15:57 “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

“You are the most __ I have ever seen! One way a mentor of mine encouraged me to encourage my children in this way was as follows: “Wow! God has given you such an ear for music!” “God has given you such a strong mind. I can’t wait to see how He uses it for His kingdom!” “You worked so hard on this! Working heartily for the Lord is a wonderful accomplishment!” “I see Jesus love shining right through your smile!” “You are just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside!” “You are so fast! I wonder how the Lord is going to use that in your life?” “Your creativity is inspiring! You are made in God’s image, and He is creative. You are showing a piece of God’s nature when you create! Great job!”

“Only make decisions that support your self-image, self-esteem, and self-worth.”(Oprah Winfrey) Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” God desires us to be humble. He desires that we aren’t self-focused, but focused on Him and others.

“You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” (Brian Tracy) This quote promotes the idea of self-sufficiency. Self-sufficiency is the belief in relying solely on one’s own abilities and resources, while God-sufficiency is the belief that true strength and sufficiency come from God. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” Pointing others to the Lord as the source of sufficiency is crucial. Praying with them and crying out to the Lord for help helps them to recognize their need for Him. He promises to uphold us in our time of need. (Isaiah 41:10)

The self-esteem movement has gotten us all pretty self-focused. Due to this, when we don’t feel seen, heard, validated, or understood, it can be devastating. I had a situation this past week that was pretty devastating. I felt misunderstood and persecuted for my faith. I allowed the enemy to really get me down and the self-focus was a great threat to my joy. The Lord so graciously reminded me that I didn’t need to be focused on this person’s approval or acceptance. He was pleased with me for standing strong with my Christian convictions, and He had given me the strength and self-control to do so in a loving way. What the other person chooses to believe based upon their own personal experience or beliefs is out of my control. What IS within my control, however, is who and what I choose to believe. I choose to lift my gaze to my Father, who will forever accept me as His child.

Thank you, Jesus, for loving me and accepting me even when the world chooses not to.