Disability or Delight Part Two

Her story begins in a very different way than my other children. She is my heart child. Although she didn’t grow in my womb, God prepared us for our Colombian Princess even before she was born. Jonathan and I knew we wanted to have a big family. However, after some complications during and after my delivery of Buggy, we weren’t sure if we would be given more children.

I will share in a future post more about our adoption journey and our trip to Colombia to bring our girl home. However, for this post’s purpose, I think it is important to mention that prior to accepting her referral and to travel, we were made aware that our then 13yr old girl may have a mild intellectual disability. Adoption officials in Colombia communicated to us that this was likely due to the late entrance into elementary school, and that she was “catching up” to her peers. Also, the testing she underwent in Colombia was not a complete battery of testing and couldn’t be deemed valid. So for all intents and purposes, she was a neurotypical girl who had completed 5 yrs of school in 6yrs and academically functioned at a 5th grade level, of which she was registered.

Upon arrival in Colombia, we attended a meeting with our legal representative, an agent with our agency who served as our interpreter, our daughter’s psychologist, and a few others. At this meeting, we were read her entire file and received the news that she had a mild intellectual disability and had been in a special education classroom. Due to our previous conversations about her “catching up,” I left the office peaceful and determined that one on one education would be just what she needed to eventually get her “caught up.”

After three weeks in Colombia, and 3-4 months back in the states, I began to wonder why our little girl wasn’t picking up any English. We continued doing life and trying to keep a bilingual home, but there came a point when I had to ask everyone in our family(upon our adoption worker’s recommendation) to stop speaking Spanish and speak only English in our home. Within a month, she began picking up words and speaking English.

Strangely, though, she was unable to remember the majority of Spanish words. Between this and some other things I was seeing in everyday life that were surprising for her age at the time (14), I decided to get her re-evaluated. At this point, she had been with us for one year. Both psychologists that she saw recommended we wait another 6 months until she was more comfortable with English.

Here comes the frustration again, I thought. Other people don’t see it. They’d say it was because she was “new to the language and culture”. However, I knew that there were too many things that weren’t language related which pointed to her having an intellectual disability.

A year and a half later, after three IQ tests indicating mild mental impairment. I was so relieved to finally have her at the age of 16 diagnosed. Why? A diagnosis for her as a teen was super important for her safety and future planning. In Colombia, she had been told that she could “do anything!” She had dreams of being a lawyer to help other orphans. She thought like most girls that she would get married and have babies. It wasn’t fair to her to allow her to continue thinking she could achieve these things when her cognitive capacity did not line up with those plans.

There were a lot of excruciating conversations for all of us. We have always tried to be honest with her, but to cover everything with grace and encouragement. Many tears were shed when the loss of a dream occurred for her. But a beautiful thing happened through that trial. She finally felt known. I will never forget sitting on my bed with her, answering her questions, and seeing her tears of sorrow turn to tears of joy. She looked up at me and said, “So, Momma, that means I get to live with you and Daddy forever?!”

The tears are flowing again as I remember so vividly how the Lord allowed our little girl to have a perspective shift that turned her mourning into dancing. (Psalm 30:11) I asked her how she felt about all of this and she said, “Well, Momma, if God made me this way, I am good with it. And, me and Buggy get to stay with you and Daddy forever! I will never have to worry about someone not taking care of me again! And, we can go on trips! I can spend time with you and watch movies, and….”

After making lots of future plans and before skipping off into another room to play, she gave us big hugs and said, “Thank you Momma and Daddy for loving me just how I am. I don’t have to pretend anymore.”

Wow. What a weight this girl had carried for so long.

Of course this is not the end of the story. There have been many tears shed by her in frustration when she cannot get a particular letter sound in order to reach her goal to learn to read. Lots of prayer and trial and error have been taken in order to learn how to push her to reach goals while also not allowing her to get too discouraged when she doesn’t proceed as quickly as she would like. We’ve learned to take breaks on days when it just isn’t clicking. Often times, that break is just what is needed. The next day, she is once again able to remember and proceed in the lesson she could not recall the day before.

There have been growing pains on both ends when her confidence outweighs her ability on certain tasks that are dangerous and risky to her safety. Part of her disability is an inability to discern cause/effect. Another struggle that I endure is the inability to naturally recall that she is really a 5 or 6 yr old little girl inside the body of a now 17yr old woman. This causes me to sometimes expect too much from her.

Most of this road hasn’t been and is currently not easy. But, it has been blessed. It has grown me in ways I never would’ve grown. My other children and husband have grown so much through adopting our Colombian Princess.

Some of my favorite things about her….

She is incredibly grateful. She knows what it is like to live in extreme poverty and is always the first to thank us for anything and everything she receives.

She has a bright smile and a joy for life.

She has a childlike faith. So many people walk through tragedy in this life, but none have I met that are as resilient as her. She doesn’t blame God for any trauma she has endured in her life, but chooses to thank Him for being with her through it all. She has a deep, deep love for Jesus.

She still likes to play with toys and stuffed animals.

She will grab our hands or cuddle up beside us on the couch.

She enjoys things she likes regardless of whether they match her chronological age or not.

She gets so much joy out of watching others play sports or do something they enjoy doing.

She is super helpful and has a servant’s heart. If it is something she is physically able to do, she wants to be of help.

She loves babies and little children. At church, you can always find her with a toddler attached to her hip as we sing praise and worship songs to the Lord.

She enjoys being with us. There were many years of her life that I wasn’t able to be there to protect her, provide for her, teach her, and enjoy her company. I am so thankful that she cherishes the time we all have together as much as I do!

Some may look at Jonathan and me in pity that we will never be empty nesters. For us, though, we see it as a gift from God. We cherish all these moments with our kiddos. Gratefulness flows through our hearts that the Lord saw fit to give us Buggy and our Little Girl. We are honored that we have been given a little extra time to be the hands on parents we enjoy being, and having a nest that will, Lord-willing, forever be full.