Goals and Glory

Most people would say that I am a pretty laid back person. It takes quite a bit to ruffle my feathers, and I am generally pretty calm in demeanor. However, internally something entirely different takes place in reference to the accomplishment of goals or tasks.

Having attention issues, hyper focus is something that has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I learned how to focus all my energy on a task as a coping mechanism. A benefit to hyper focus for someone with attention difficulties, is the ability to channel our energy into the accomplishment of a task that we would have otherwise been too distracted to finish. As is often the case with strengths, they can also produce an opposite challenge. The difficulty with hyper focus is the anxiety it produces when you are forced to leave a task unfinished. Thankfully, most tasks in life do require completion and hyper focus and it is a wonderful benefit to my life.

I see how the Lord has used hyper focus in my life to help me in educational studies, as well as in relationships with others. When I am speaking with someone, I am able to focus on what they are saying and intently listen to and process what they are communicating with me. As a child and young adult, before learning to hyper focus, I struggled with completing tasks without outside pressure or influence.

However, the anxiety that is produced when forced to leave a task unfinished can really be a struggle.

If you have read my previous blog on POTS, you will recall that the Lord saw me through some magnificent health hurdles over the past 9 months. It has been an amazing journey and my faith has grown so much through it. The hyper focus and determination gave me the gumption to do the long workouts and to ultimately achieve the goal.

At the conclusion of The Levine Protocol, I was able to complete a 5k, and the hike of the infamous 4th Falls at The Wilds. I praised the Lord every step of the way, and I know without a shadow of a doubt, He brought me along the journey to show me His power and goodness. He healed me of so many of my POTS symptoms, so that I could speak of His excellent greatness and power to all who would listen.

After completing the 5k, my new goal was to better my time with each race until I could complete the 5k in 25 minutes or less. Simultaneously, I aimed to train for a 10k. I left that first 5k race beyond excited and went straight into the next week training. A few days after the race, though, I began enduring significant pain in my foot. It was excruciating! The in-house doctor ; ), told me that I had plantar fasciitis. He gave me some stretches to do, told me to ice it two to three times per day, and to rest.

Rest?! How do I rest? Telling someone who vigorously exercised for 5-6 days per week to rest is quite a change of pace and shock to the system. But, I did my best to follow doctor’s orders. After a few weeks, I was feeling much better and was back at it. I was running two times per week, and had my sights set once again on speeding up that race time.

I slowly upped my mileage, and eventually was running 2-3 miles twice a week. Until, one day I started having severe hip pain in my left hip and knee pain in my right knee. It would hurt when I was running, but even worse when I stopped. I would walk it off and rest for a couple of days and then try it again. The last time I ran a 5k, I ran it 2 minutes faster than my race time. I pumped my arms up and down in praise to the Lord, as I limped back into the house in so much pain. This was becoming a pattern. Running=Pain.

Last Tuesday morning, I set out to run 2.5 miles. For the last mile, I wrenched in pain. With every step I felt my right leg tighten and resist the movements, but I had to finish. Quitting was not an option. I had the goal set for the day at 2.5, and doing anything less would be missing the mark, failing, and giving up. God does things to completion, so will I. No pain, no gain. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you! You are teaching your kids to persevere. That daughter that is watching you run right now, she knows you are in pain. She is watching you. If you quit, you are teaching her to give up when the going gets tough!

Well, I finished. I thanked the Lord for allowing me to complete the goal, and I hobbled into the house.

A few hours later, I met with my ACBC counselor (more on that in a later blog), and we got on to the topic of my running and what happened that morning. I told her all of the above, and expressed my frustration with my body not functioning the way that I desired it to, but grateful that the Lord helped me to finish.

After listening to the retelling of the event, she asked me if the mindset of finishing no matter the cost effected other areas of my life. I explained to her about my hyper focus and why I felt it was an asset to me finishing things. She then looked at me and asked me a profound question.

Who gets the glory?

Well of course, God gets the glory. I praise Him afterwards. There are definitely many occasions where I don’t, but when it comes to running, I definitely give it rightfully to Him.

She then followed up with equally thought provoking question.

Could it be that God’s goal for you is different than the goal you have for yourself?

Yikes. I needed to ponder this for a bit.

Could all of these injuries (a total of three) be God communicating to me that it is time to shift gears into another focus? Could it be that His will was for the completion of one goal and a subsequent shift to another? Why do I have anxiety when thinking about “quitting” running?

Why am I struggling so much with the fact that my body isn’t cooperating with me? Is it because I am seeking glory or recognition for myself…from others? from myself?

I’ve done a lot of soul searching over the past week. Much of my days have been filled in prayer and contemplation over what the Lord’s will is for this particular area of my life. In my mind, running represented the epitome of health. It has given me an opportunity to speak of God’s grace and give Him glory for doing the impossible for me. It helped me to grow in self control and perseverance. It helped me to depend on Him in a new and exciting way. If I stop running, will I no longer be giving God glory?

But here is where the problem resided…God used The Levine Protocol and running in my life to glorify Himself. Running is a vehicle which He used in my life for His glory, but God doesn’t need me to run in order to get the glory. God receiving glory isn’t dependent upon me being able to cross a physical finish line.

God receives glory when I am obedient to Him, enjoying Him, and rejoicing in His work in my life. God’s goal was never about the running, but my hyper focus clouded my vision on that. God’s will for my life was bringing me to a place of health where I could participate in my active family’s life and give Him glory through it all. Running was never the lifelong goal. Reliance on Him and a desire to make Him known was and always will be the goal. I may run again, or I may never be a long distance runner for any length of time, but I must trust that the Lord will lead me and guide me to be the best instrument I can be for Him. He isn’t dependent upon me to receive glory, but He sure is gracious in allowing me to see and exalt Him as he works in and through me.

So what happens next? How am I glorifying God with my exercise now? Well, in His goodness, the Lord gifted me with a Pilates Reformer Machine on a half-off prime day special through my hubby : ) The Pilates and Rebounding Reformer has great reviews for those recovering from injuries, POTS, and overall cardiovascular health, muscular development, and flexibility. I am looking forward to getting into a new routine with it!

After coming so far with my health, it is very easy to slip into fear and anxiety that I will return to my former state now that my exercise routine isn’t as vigorous. However, the Lord has helped me to take the fear and anxiety captive. He has helped me to take the eyes off of myself and my physical body and remind me of the race that is set before me…not the physical one that I had hoped to run, but the spiritual one that I have the privilege of running because of Jesus.

May my hyper focus forever be an asset to the race that really counts, and at the completion of this race, may it be said of me…

 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.”

2 Timothy 4:7-8